Silently Crying
by Zombie Kitty
Summary: A Sad, kinda angsty song fic from Lister's POV after Kochanski dumped him.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Red Dwarf, Lister, or the song 'Swing, Swing' by The All American Regects.

Well this is my first song fic I guess, based after Kristine dumped Lister. Reviews and critism welcome because I kinda wrote this around 11pm tonight, with 'Swing, Swing' on repeat - Almost 11:30pm now so better go for a shower and go to sleep before I have an urge to do my physics hw that is due tomorrow...

(P.S: Sorry for yet another crappy title)

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**Silently Crying**

_Days swiftly come and go._

Dunno how long it's been now – My clock could tell me that but I don't really want to look… I lay here yet time keeps on ticking, and life keeps on moving… moving on, I don't know why time can never change it's patterns, yet someone's opinion of time can be so different to someone else's – For me a three week relationship is almost a proper commitment, yet for others it's just experimentation - Something new, to be tried then given up - Like ciggys or too much chocolate...

_I'm dreaming of her._

...Though if it was up to me I'd rather give up ciggys than Krissy Kochanski – All I can think of is her and me… In bed mostly, but still together. She had a lot of habits – Like she'd always sit applying her makeup with such military precision – something all women do I know, but how she did it never seemed to change, foundation, then a soft eye shadow which would bring out her lovely brown eyes, and then eye liner… and finally lipstick which made her lips even more luscious and beautiful – Maybe all women did their makeup like that – I never stopped and watched. It's strange, I can remember every detail of her as if it was yesterday, yet it feels like an eternity, though I don't think I want to see her yet…

_She's seeing other guys._

...I wonder if I'd feel as lost as this if she wasn't dating that poncy Tim – A chef! So he can cook non spicy food… and doesn't smoke… or bite his toenails – But if I could see past her flaws – Like how when she snorts I feel like I'm talking to Rimmer, or the fact she always made me take a shower whenever we met – And also how she seemed to be so… full of herself… Like Rimmer… Surprising they aren't best mates really – But then I look past both their flaws, and still they hate me – Rimmer… Meh… Dunno why I'm even thinking of him, he's probably off somewhere in a revision related stress…

_Emotions they stir._

...While she's off with the 'reliable, 'dependable' and 'hygienic' Tim… surprising hygienic doesn't end in 'able' – If he's 'able' to be everything else a women wants I mean… Maybe I should see other girls… Doubt many would want me – They'd all say I'd be 'on the rebound' well what does that make Krissy? - oh yeah 'sane' I think is the word Jane from supplies put it – I've been popular with girls, but the break ups haven't bothered me too much, yet it was normally me doing the dumping. Guess I now know what it's like to be the one who feels dumped… And alone. I've met girls on the rebound, they act differently – Some act with vengeance – and usually regret it, as do most rebound girls, though some are just bold and confident, as if life could drive at the with a bulldozer and still be left standing – To prove a point to themselves they could move on – even if they are lying to themselves. And then there are the ones who feel so hurt they just want to be comforted so they don't feel alone… I guess I feel all of those – I want to move on – No big deal right?... Then why aren't I? I want to do something that would make her jealous or realise what she's missing – but how could she miss me when she has Tim? And then there's the other kind, the poor wallflowers who sit in the corner of smoky pubs, getting drunk as silent tears cause mascara to run down their faces – I'm not as bad as that – Mascara can't be mixed in with tears for a start… But maybe I don't want to be alone – Been alone is naturally one of human's greatest fears, whether it's being without friends, family or partner to love and be with… Oh great – A girl dumps me and I turn into a nervous wreck thinking over the whys and therefore's of life and human nature as I slowly drink my way through another one of my stashed six packs…

_The sun is gone._

...She's gone, even though we are probably only a few miles apart. I'm looking at the windows – Can't really be called looking out though, I blocked them… I remember us talking about the sun and the stars and all the possibilities there are in the world beyond us working on this ship. She'd always laugh, then look at me critically, saying how her life wasn't like mine – The space corps WAS her life, and my life was just… existing. Still, I could imagine about the future but, now we have no future – Everything's gone...

_The night's are long._

...I suppose really it's only been three or four days – I know because of when Rimmer comes back from shift, he's getting on my nerves now, talking through the darkness, making everything drag on more, about how it could never have lasted, that I am just been pathetic now by making him do all the duty shifts alone, and that on the whole I was just kidding myself that she'd ever want to be with me anyway… I dunno, maybe I was, but Rimmer has no compassion anyway – Why should I do the shifts? It doesn't make much difference – 'Oh no a soup nozzle on machine 134 is BLOCKED! What ever will we do without Lister?' I'm needed around here about as much as I need this athlete's foot!...

_And I am left while the tears fall._

...I wish we were back on Earth already, but I'm not sure if that would make a big difference either – my apartment will have been given to someone else now, my family are… god knows where… and who for that matter! And I'm just left here, laying on my bunk, thinking about her whilst silently crying...


End file.
